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Author : Karen and Stan Pool
Genre : Karen's Books
Our children are individuals with every opportunity to choose the path they will live for themselves, even if those choices are hard for us (and maybe even for them) to accept, to cope with, and handle with grace and poise. The force of agency trumps all our intentions.
We’ve learned a number of life lessons, a sort of hard-won wisdom from our own experiences, as our children have blessed our lives, surprised us, and taught us. We’ve shared these with others who have invited our counsel and insight. These spiritual and temporal principles open the door to increased love and insight, even in the most unexpected and trying of circumstances. This book introduces a variety of these principles along with strategies and skills to practice. These build resiliency—the ability to keep perspective during temporary or long-term setbacks and not be devastated by them.
“An initial step is to notice the moment of choice where you make yourself the center of the situation, deciding everything your child is doing is about you. This allows you to justify your overreaction—your need for control, your feelings of being devastated, overwhelmed, or resigned. Or you can pause, take a deep breath, and use your heart and mind to become aware, and able to make a different choice.”
“The question is not about us as parents: Why did this happen to us? The most important question is: What does our child need and how can we help? We model how to address the problem for our child. In fact, the key to being there for our child has more to do with our choices than theirs. Our response is not dependent on our child’s remorse or lack thereof. We always have a choice about how to respond. There is nothing they can do, no gravitational pull that draws us into any reaction against our will.”
“We have control over how we respond, not over our children’s choices. If we focus on restricting or taking away agency, we will soon be powerless to influence our child. We don’t get to determine outcomes. However, we do have the opportunity to maximize our influence. What we cannot say is: I will never lose any of my children. What we can say is: None of my children will ever lose my love or my commitment to be there for them.”
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